Category: Let's talk
On ventrilo the other day, the short version of the story is, we were talking about age differences between guys and girls who date and what society seemed to accept as ok or not. Well actually, it was a lot more filthy than that, but that was the general meaning of it. Anyway, the example given at the time was a twenty-two year old guy going with a fourteen year old girl. The general consensus was that that was kinda disgusting and I wasn't surprised by that, but I was wondering when age gaps suddenly become ok? It's not ok for a twenty-two year old to like a fourteen year old, but it's ok for the fourteen year old to like the twenty-two year old? If a fourteen year old was really still considered to be a child in terms of worldlyness, then I could understand this, but nine times out of ten, this really isn't the case these days. Fourteen year olds have children these days and it's not so frowned upon anymore... So, would it be better for the father of that child to be a fifteen year old or a twenty-two year old? I know that, when I was fourteen, I knew exactly what i was talking about in that department. Ok, I never acted upon it, but that was because I didnt' choose too, not because I couldn't have coped with it, either emotionally or physically. I also wonder when it suddenly becomes ok for that age gap to exist? For example, my step dad is nine years older than my mum and noone thinks twice about that. Why not? I'm twenty-one now. So, if I was so inclined too, how low could I go in terms of fancying someone younger than me before I was considered to be either sick or mentally retarded? Also, why is it seen to be more frowned upon for girls to fancy younger guys, but not for guys to fancy younger girls? Surely the main thing is maturity? And I mean all aspects of maturity? Would love to know people's thoughts on this as it really does fascinate me. Thanks, D
I don't know D, i mean a big age gap, like 9 years, yeah that's a little odd, off, or something, but like 4 or 5 years between...
All depending on the maturity levels of both parties here, but i think that it wouldn't be so bad, just my thoughts.
I mean, if they both want it, can handle it, know what's involved, and both are willing to except the responsibility... why not?
I'm not saying what i'm thinking is write, just my opinion.
I totally agree with torico on this. I think she's right. There is almost 5 years between Radio and I, and things actually aren't so bad. I think it depends on the maturity of both parties, and if they can handle it, and how far they are willing to go with the relationship. I also think that you can't help who you fall in love with. I think that the reason age gaps exist is because when teens want to date those older than themselves, it looks like they are not smart enough to think of the consiquences, when in reality, they are. Well at least some of them. Not most though.
Hello,
Well I have only dated a girl that was 5 years young than me. I am 26. I have also dated a girl that was 5 years old than me too. It just depends on the people involved. I don't see anything wrong withdating someone younger but i won't go under 7 years difference. Just my thoughts.
I agree with Cortcort and Jennjenn lol. But then I'm fourteen and don't know much. Caitlin
hey, you guys are missing my point a bit. what I meant was, when does the fourteen year old liking a twenty-two year old for example, become ok when they're older. for example, if that fourteen year old were twenty-five, and the twenty-two year old thirty-three, it wouldn't be seen to be so much of a problem. why not? also, why's it ok for girls to like older guys but not for guys to like older guys? likewise, why's it ok for guys to like younger girls but not for girls to like younger guys? It's something, as I said before, that truely amazes and somewhat fascinates me. Cheers, D
Who knows? Not I. Lol. But I do think it's odd, like you said. Like how a 14 year old can't like a 22 year old without being ridiculed and then a 25 and 33 year old seems okay. That's so random. Lol. I think that you pretty much nailed the "when's it suddenly okay?" question, Sugarhrhr. With 25 and 32 maybe a bit younger. Like 24 or 23 for the younger person. Around there. And I dunno why it's okay for older girls to liek younger guys but not the opposite. That's really strange. But so is society. Caitlin
right, that went a bit wrong. what i meant was: why is it ok for girls to like older guys and not ok for them to like younger guys, and why are the tables absolutely reversed for guys in terms of it being ok for them to like girls who are younger than them, but sick for liking girls older than them?
I think when the age difference becomes "ok" is when the female is 17 or 18. At least this is what I've observed. As far as the age difference, my husband is 9 and a half years older then me, and we've made it for almost 8 years, and are still as in love, if not more, as when we met. As far as the guys liking older women and vice versa I think it's because of the way society sees men and women. Men are expected to be juvinile longer, the whole thing about "boys will be boys" and men needing to "sew their oats". However women on the other hand are seen as generally more mature, nurturing and loving. We're not suppose to "sew our oats". And for this reason a woman is expected to get with an older man who has already gone through his wilder years so we can get on with the business of settling down...And when the opposite occurs either the woman is to immature to handle an older man, or the man is to mature and not "normal". Mind you, I don't agree with these empressions, however, this is what I've observed, and the only thing I can think of for the reasoning.
I think you're so right in terms of the younger older older younger thing. I think i knew that answer probably all along, just didnt' really think about it. In terms of the age difference being acceptable at some point, my mind's still not quite made up on that one. D
I wont date a guy who's younger then me. And I wont date a guy who's waaaaay older then me. I can understand 3 or 4 year age difference but nothing older. For example I'm 23 going on 24 I'll only go up to 29 or 30 but nothing over 30. It's just how I feel. I'll have male friends who are in their 40s but nothing over that. The oldest guy I dated was I was 23 and he 26.
I say it becomes acceptable at 17 or 18 for a girl to date a much older guy because of the way the laws are in America and attitudes I've observed. For instance; if a guy in Kentucky were 19 and were to go to bed with a 15 year old girl he is in deep trouble, but if she is 16 it is ok. It's known as the age of consent and varies from state to state, however I believe the majority of the states is between 16 and 18. On the flip side of that I believe the age of consent for a guy is 18 in Kentucky...I'm not positive on that one. Also, I was 19 when I got with my husband, and everyone was totally ok with it, but if the situation had occured 3 years earlier it would have been a different story. I've seen that so many times...However, again I'm not saying I agree with these views. Just happens to be what I've observed. I personally think it depends on the people, what they want, and how mature they are. *smile*
IF she's old enough to pea she's old enough for me!
I think that as long as both parties are adults, and are both emotionally mature, then age difference shouldn’t have to be an issue. I think, however, that in the case of a 22 year old going out with a 14 year old, emotional maturity is a definite factor for consideration. Whilst I appreciate that 14 year oldds do have sex, and do have children these days, I by no means think that a 14 year old is really emotionally ready to commit to such a serious type of relationship. And sadly, in most cases where a 14 year old has a baby, it is that girl’s family who end up bringing up the child for the most part, and lots of young girls who have children say that if they could have done things differently they would, because they feel that they have lost a part of their life by having a baby so young.
I think there is a vast difference between knowing what’s what, and actually being ready for it. It is true that at 14 most girls are physically ready to have sex, even to conceive and carry a child, but emotionally it is a totally different matter. How many young girls are pressurised into having sex at a young age because a guy tells them that if they don’t, then it must mean they don’t love him? And how many of those young girls potentially end up pregnant and that same guy then tells them he doesn’t want to know? This just demonstrates how naive such a young girl can be.
Let’s not forget, that at 14, we are, in effect still children. Yeah we think that we know it all at that age, but we still have a hell of a lot to see, and it only takes 5 or so years for us to realize that. 10 years, and we’re wondering what the hell we were thinking at that age. And a 14 year old, although maybe worldly wise, can still be very vulnerable, and easily taken advantage of, and that is why we have an age of consent in this country. And that is not to say that all 16 year olds are ready to go out and have sex, but at 16 you are just that bit more mature. I think, and this is my personal opinion of course, but I think that sex should be a beautiful thing which should be shared between two people who have the deepest feelings and respect for one another, and by rushing into it so young just trivialises it. It would be interesting to survey how many girls who lost their virginity say at 14, regretted doing so 5/10 years down the line.
Hmm, I still say it depends entirely on the people involved. There are many 14 year old girls that I could call women before I would some 18 year olds. Just depends on life experiences and how one has matured.
yeah witchcraft in a sense you are right, but however much experience of life you have had, at 14, you are still a child, and should be living out your childhood, not having sex, children, and all the things there are plenty of time for when you're much older, and can enjoy them to the full. at 14 you should be going out with your friends, having a good time, having young relationships, not sex and children and responsibility, there's all the time in the world for that later.
Sb, I totally agree and thought that it was wrong myself as I said before. I think that, even now though, though, if I were to say that I liked a guy who was twenty-nine say, and he liked me, a lot of people would still think that's a bit grim, even though I'm twenty-one and would definitely know what I want, feel etc. Yet, as I said, my step dad is nine years older than my mum. My mum's sixty. Noone cares about that. Now, I can't work out if that's coz it suddenly becomes ok at a certain point, or there are just patronising people out there who say, "ah but they're getting on a bit... Just let them be happy." Actually, I think if anyone ever said that to me, they'd get my fist in their mouth, but you get my point? Also, if it were that my step dad was nine years younger than my mum, I think a lot of people would think that to be a bit odd perhaps. I guess there's never going to really be an answer to this, but as I said time and time again now, it really does fascinate me. Cheers, D. Ps: blindguy, this is the last time I will stoop low enough to give your insensitive bullshit a reply, and I have three things to say and nothing more. Shut up, grow up and get a life.
I think a lot of the issue again comes down to life experience, and the experience we want to have from life. For instance, if a 30 year old woman is seeing a 20 year old guy, her priorities might be a lot different - she might be at the age for example, where she wants to start a family, whereas he is still young and might still want to live a little, and by the same token if it's a 30 year old guy with a 20 year old woman - although a lot of people say that the reason much older guys go for much younger women is because of mid life crisies - i'm talking about these 50/60 year olds who go for 20 something women - why on earth a 20 something woman would wanna go for a 60 year old guy on the other hand ... unless he's loaded of course ... lol
History folks. In history, younger girls got with older guys, because of the stability an older man has to offer to a younger woman or girl for that matter. Girls became women at younger ages in yesteryears. Parents of teens now a days seem to be having a harder and harder time controling their teenagers. I think that's it in a nut shell. It's control. If your question is in fact when is it ok the answer is simply when that person reguardless of age breaks the control of the parental figurehead. I have a friend who is 21. Her now husband is 57. They met when she was 17. She was forced to discontinue contact with her parents and he was forced to do the same with his daughter who by the way was just as old as his wife to be. By her marying this older man it has allowed her to become financialy stable. In nature animals are pushed out of the family to prevent this. Age is not an issue. In our world, we want to hold on as long as possible, so we create these rules to control. A man who is twenty who sleeps with an 14 year old and is caught is called a petafile in the state of maryland and has to register sex offender resistry. No one ever asks if it was concentual if she is forteen. Look at the case of the teacher who slept with the student and had kids. Did he not love her? Who are we to say? Sugar baby that is a great question. Like I said there is no gap if the person or persons are willing to shed the bonds that society put on them.
D-
Well in 1 out of 1000000000 cases you might be right, but we have to try and control the dumb fucks in our society somehow.
I just turned 14 when I met my husband now. He is 3 years older than I. We did not act on nayting sexual till I was much older. I married him when i was 18 and I've ben married for 14 years now. At first the age difference was a big thing cause I was unable to do the things he was and was left out at times. So was a bit rough at the start for about 4 year in the marriage after that it's been smooth sailing since. I think as other said it has to do with maturity and respect for yourself as well.
Age doesn't matter to me. What matters is the love in relationship itself. If I fall in love with a 30 some year old or older and we are right for each other then why not not get maried or date? Just how I play the game.
Troy
I don'T understand that at all. I have a relationship with a guy who's 2 years younger than me. I I don't understand why some people still think it should be the other way round, that the guy is older than the girl. And I think it depends on the behaviour of the younger one. Personally I would not go out with a younger boy who behaves childish all the time.
Well, when it comes down to it, I'm not sure too many people would, but why does society always see that as being weird or perverted?
I don't like that if that 22 year-old had sex with a 14-year-old he could end up in trouble for having sex with an under aged girl but she wouldn't get in trouble for having sex whilst under aged. The same rule wouldn't apply if they were drinking together. Then she'd be in trouble. It's not very consistant. Personally, I think it's up to the individuals to decide for themselves if they care or not about age gaps and if both people in the relationship are happy and aren't doing any harm to anybody by having that relationship, noone should have a problem with it.
If there's grass on the field play ball.
I'm surprised no one has really brought up the "victim" issue. The younger one, especially a girl, is often seen as being taken advantage of by the older one if she's like fourteen or fifteen, and the guy's an adult. Many societies differ on what appropriate ages for different things are, and in a sense, to a certain degree, they're all right. Our society is more complicated than ancient society. All girls/women aren't cut out for having children, and all men aren't the traditional, financially stable types (or whatever terms for "financial" were used in ancient times). In my experience, most of us seem to be beyond the whole arranged marriage/marry for financial stability thing, and we want to marry someone on our level who we connect with. As for casual sex, it's so dangerous, and parents go as far as they can to protect their children (which includes trying to control them). Especially with distinctions such as high school and college, an 18-year-old might be on a totally different level than a fifteen-year-old, and vise versa. It depends on the people involved, like many here have been saying. As for older people, it all depends on their goals in life. A 60-year-old and an 80-year-old might be on the same level, as they've had plenty of life experience behind them, for example.
My one friend said she knew this couple who were 16 and 35 when they first started dating. The girl was 16 and the guy was 35. Now, isn't that a little disgusting? I also read this story on the Internet awhile back about this girl who was 14, who met this guy in a chat room, who was 32, and she wanted to run away with him because she was attracted to being a prostitute and he had offered to be her pimp. Now, isn't that sick too? This proves that some guys are pigs, who go around picking up young girls (as in the second situation, not necessarily the first.)
I wouldn't want to be 16 and go out with a 35-year-old; our worlds and interests would just be too different, unless either of us was particularly atypical for our ages. Even at that, it's better to be friends for a long time to make sure you're not being impulsive, being that the situation carries lots of risk. In general, I think being firends first is awesome anyway.
Well I would not go out with guys who are MUCH older than I am. And it's true that some guys are pigs. But if there's a "normal" guy and a young girl who just loves him, and there's no one who wants to take advantage of the other, then I think it's okay!! I wouldn't do it, but if people like it, I totally accept that.
i agree with troy, age aint nothing but a number. all that matters is the couples love, admiration, and respect for one another.
Well, I'm 14 and I've been interested in men in there early 20's. I think its because the boys my age, I just see them as kids. I think its fine and it depends on the person. The personal relationship. Its different for everyone and if two people are in love, fuck society and do what ever the hell you want!
People in their early twenties are likely to have different interests and be on a different level than those in their teens. It's one of those cases where the life stages are so drastically different from each other. Not saying a relationship couldn't happen, but it's often quite dangerous. It's safest to hang out in groups for a long time first, as that can help somebody from being sucked in to the wrong situation for them.